In "in Just" written by EE Cummings, his choice of words and writing structure set the tone and mood for evil lurking in a happy and safe environment for children. This eerie feeling is set from the start and it progresses through out the poem. Each stanza getting more eerier than the next.
The title alone "in Just" gives you the sense of something bad is about to happen. He chooses specific words "when the world is mud-luscious". What is mud? Mud makes you feel dirty or unclean where as, luscious is the opposite, it makes you feel wonderful, happy, and full of life (Cummings 2-3). He chooses spring as the season because things are full of life. Children are outside playing, running, and breathing in fresh air, but evil lurks in the background with the balloonman.
EE Cummings writes "the little lame balloonman whistles far and wee" giving you a sense of the children seeing him in the background holding balloons ( Cummings 4-6). The children become so excited that they stop playing to run over and get one. He is not out in the open selling or giving away his balloons, he is in the background "whistling far and wee" giving a false pretense of a happy man wanting to make children happy (Cummings 5). The balloons are a decoy to lure the children away and rob them of their fun and innocence.
Each stanza the balloonman becomes more scarier than the next. First, he is "the lame balloonman", then he is "the queer balloonman", and finally, he is "the goat-footed balloonman"(Cummings 4, 11-12, 20-21). When he is described as "the goat - footed balloonman" his writing structure sets the lines apart to emphasize him at his ugliest (Cummings 20-21). He was a grotesque figure as a child, he had no one to play with. He just watched in the background as innocent games such as marbles, hop-scotch, and jump-rope were played by other children, but not him. He continues watching and hiding as an adult.
In conclusion, the author has given you a false sense of happy times. His tone and word choice leave you with evil lurking in the background disguised as the balloonman.
I like your essay, Lois. I think that your thesis statement is clear and sparks an interest on what is written in the rest of the essay.
ReplyDeleteIn global perspective, I think you did well in keeping one topic per body paragraph and provide support via quotations from the poem. The transition sentences are present and the flow of your essay seems logical and in chronological order.
From a local perspective, I think that it flows well on a sentence to sentence level as well. You never got off topic or went on a tangent, you show creativity and continued to refer the readers back to your original thesis statement. I did notice a few grammatical errors, such as not capitalizing "In Just" your quotations state "in Just" I've never read the poem, so perhaps that is the legitimate way the poem is titled, I'm not sure. That is just an example that stood out to me.
Critical thinking 4: as I had stated previously, I think your thesis is made known right away and you show originality in your interpretation, insight and creative thinking.
Organization 5: The essay flows well from what I can see and seems to be in a logical order and always refers the reader back to your thesis statement.
Evidence 4: You have citations in each body paragraph, thus showing support for your points/thoughts.
Language 4: I think there are a few small things that could be revised in regards to vocab/word choice. EX: eerier instead of "more eerier" I'm not an English expert, so it is possible that what you wrote there is grammatically correct and that I am incorrect, just an example of what stood out to me.
Mechanics 4: Maybe a couple grammar errors throughout, but if you see necessary, they should be easily fixable for you and it does not change the meaning of your essay or make it difficult to understand.
Overall, I think your essay is good. I browsed over your initial essay and you were definitely able to expound more on the poem itself. You kept it interesting and on topic. Being the reader I think that you did a good job of keeping your essay alive and easy to comprehend. Great job.