Critique "in Just"
After reviewing global and local concerns, I have read through my essay and analyzed it based upon the concerns. There were both strengths and weaknesses throughout the essay. Overall, my essay was logically structured and organized. However, I could of improved on analyzing the text by utilizing symbolism within the poem. Both the global and local concerns have helped me to improve my writing techniques.
In the beginning of the essay my thesis statement is clearly stated. I began supporting the thesis in a logical order beginning with the title and then going through each stanza giving further evidence to support it. I referred back to the poem giving direct quotations in order to validate the presented thesis.
Each paragraph was structurally organized with a main idea and supporting details in order to relate to the thesis statement. Transitions were effectively used to keep unity between each paragraph. I further expanded on the thesis by analyzing the mood and tone of the poem in each paragraph. Throughout the essay I remained on topic which allowed the reader to understand the information.
As for my weaknesses, I could have further analyzed the poem and expanded my essay by the use of symbolism. This technique would of enabled me to move past the literal content of the poem and allow the reader to grasp the full meaning. Furthermore, in review the proper use of grammar and punctuation would of allowed for a clearer, more complete and concise essay.
In conclusion, the above techniques will be utilized to critique my future writing tasks. The global and local concerns will allow the use of appropriate revision and editing skills in order to keep my writing organized and structured. Referring back to global and local concerns allow me to be a more effective and coherent writer.
Hi Lois,
ReplyDeleteThis essay has been your best piece to date. I am impressed with the progress you are making. Overall, the thoughts are clearly laid out and I get a clear sense your tone and personality. That being stated, there are some areas where you can still improve including your thesis statement, thesis connection and supporting evidence.
For instance, the dreaded thesis statement is one of those areas. Even in a revision strategies essay, a thesis statement is a powerful tool to let the reader know where you are going. In your essay, there is a clear thesis, “Both the global and local concerns have helped me to improve my writing techniques.” However, that thesis does not allow me to know where you are going from this point. I would expect your essay to be focused around global and local elements. Yet, the topics in each of the body paragraphs are: 1: the thesis statement, 2: evidence, 3: weaknesses. I do not criticize your body paragraphs for that format, it’s actually well constructed. However, your introduction (i.e. thesis statement) should also clearly identify these as talking points.
Where the thesis statement is important, so is your connection to that thesis. In each of your body paragraphs, I noticed a lack of connection to the thesis. You are not stating how these improvements will help your writing technique. For example, you state, “I referred back to the poem giving direct quotations in order to validate the presented thesis.” This is a clear piece of evidence regarding what you do. However, how does this statement relate to your thesis? How do presenting direct quotations assist you in improving your writing technique? Without linking your body paragraph into the thesis, you leave your argument only half supported.
The last major component of your essay I can critique is the lack of supporting evidence. Now, as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, you did give examples and support. However, what “symbolism” and “grammar” additions can you specifically make? Which elements are struggles for you.
Through adding supporting evidence, linking the thesis and giving a clear thesis statement, your essay will become much stronger. Again, this is a good piece. I enjoyed your addition of rhetoric and several elements. However, I hope these suggestions will assist you in the future.
Overall grading: 4 (80%)
Critical Thinking: 5
Organization: 3
Evidence: 3
Language: 5
Mechanics: 4