Your critique of Eric

     Your opening statement is self explanatory,  I understood right way what you meant it was clear and to to the point he needs organization more supporting evidence. But as i read on  I felt you repeated your self and was contradictory in some of the paragraphs.

     You repeat everything he wrote in paragraph two and what you thought his opening statement should have had what you expected and what needed to be corrected. I feel you contradicted yourself by saying you understood and were focused on what he wrote understand  his intentions but you clearly state you were blindsided by it.
     As I continued to read on you were thinking he was focusing in more on what people were saying about his writing then correcting his writing and incorporating the use of more quotations to support his ideas.  I noticed again you wrote how you were able to understand  by his descriptive writing so should he continue to write descriptive or add more quotations.
     In the fourth paragraph you repeated yourself again everything he wrote and saying how it was long and drawn out almost Victorian like , I think you could have done away with repeating the opening statement again and maybe referred to it being long and drawn out.
     In conclusion your repeating of his writing and some contradictory statements were for his benefit but needed to be simplified.
          

     

Critique "in Just"

     After reviewing global and local concerns, I have read through my essay and analyzed it based upon the concerns.  There were both strengths and weaknesses  throughout the essay.   Overall, my essay was logically structured and organized.  However, I could of improved on analyzing the text  by utilizing symbolism within the poem. Both the global and local concerns have helped me to improve my writing techniques.   

    In the beginning of the essay my thesis statement is clearly stated.  I began supporting the thesis in a logical order beginning with the title and then going through each stanza giving further evidence to support it.   I referred back to the poem giving direct quotations in order to validate the presented thesis. 

     Each paragraph was structurally organized with a main idea and supporting details in order to relate to the thesis statement. Transitions were effectively used to keep unity between each paragraph.  I further expanded on the thesis by analyzing the mood and tone of the poem in each paragraph.  Throughout the essay I remained on topic which allowed  the reader to understand the information.    

    As for my weaknesses, I could have further analyzed the poem and expanded my essay by the use of symbolism. This technique would of enabled me to move past the literal content of the poem and allow the reader to grasp the full meaning.   Furthermore, in review the proper use of grammar and punctuation would of allowed for a clearer, more complete and concise essay.  

     In conclusion, the above techniques will be utilized to critique my future writing tasks.  The global and local concerns will allow the use of appropriate revision and editing skills in order to keep my writing organized and structured.  Referring back to global and local concerns allow me to be a more effective and coherent writer.  

"in Just" edited

     In "in Just" written by EE Cummings, his choice of words and writing structure set the tone and mood for evil lurking in a happy and safe environment for children. This eerie feeling is set from the start and it progresses through out the poem. Each stanza getting more eerier than the next.
     The title alone "in Just" gives you the sense of something bad is about to happen.  He chooses specific words "when the world is mud-luscious".  What is mud? Mud makes you feel dirty or unclean where as, luscious is the opposite, it makes you feel wonderful, happy, and full of life (Cummings 2-3).  He chooses spring as the season because things are full of life.  Children are outside playing, running, and breathing in fresh air, but evil lurks in the background with the balloonman.
     EE Cummings writes "the little lame balloonman whistles far and wee" giving you a sense of the children seeing him in the background holding balloons ( Cummings 4-6).  The children become so excited that they stop playing to run over and get one. He is not out in the open selling or giving away his balloons, he is in the background "whistling far and wee" giving a false pretense of a happy man wanting to make children happy (Cummings 5).  The balloons are a decoy to lure the children away and rob them of their fun and innocence.
     Each stanza the balloonman becomes more scarier than the next.  First, he is "the lame balloonman",  then he is "the queer balloonman", and finally, he is "the goat-footed balloonman"(Cummings 4, 11-12, 20-21). When he is described as "the goat - footed balloonman" his writing structure sets the lines apart to emphasize him at his ugliest (Cummings 20-21). He was a grotesque figure as a child, he had no one to play with.  He just watched in the background as innocent games such as marbles, hop-scotch, and jump-rope were played by other children, but not him. He continues watching and hiding as an adult.
     In conclusion, the author has given you a false sense of happy times.  His tone and word choice leave you with evil lurking in the background disguised as the balloonman.
   

 

week 3

"In Just" EE Cummings

     The poet starts off with "when the world is mud luscious "{lines 2&3} it gives you a happy feeling spring rain children playing running happy to be outside but evil lurks around the corner with the balloonman.
     Lines "the little lame balloonman whistles far and wee"{lines 4,5,6}. He wants to give you a sense of the children seeing him in the background holding balloons that the children become so excited they stop what ever they are playing to run over and get one. Each stanza he becomes more scary than the next  he becomes the "queer old balloonman" {lines 11 &12}.Finally he becomes "the goat footed balloonman" [lines 20&21}. He is not out in the open selling or giving away his balloons he is in the background whistling wee giving false pretense of a happy man wanting to make children happy.
      In conclusion the balloonman being a grotesque figure as a chid  had no one to play with he just watched as innocent games such as marbles hop-scotch jump-rope were played by other children but not him so the balloons are a decoy to lure the children away and rob them of their fun and innocence.

2nd week poems

The School Children


     My  feelings about this poem was a little sad you have these innocent children eagerly going to school their moms giving them apples for the teacher because their moms want the teacher to like their child but the teacher expects the apple and if she doesn't get one the mom knows the teacher will pass judgement on her. The poor kids sit doing their work because the teacher doesn't do much interaction with them and they know not to talk. The red apple blue and yellow coats made me think of the first day of school when I was little because they were the colors of letters there was always a picture of an apple on the bulletin board.
     You have to wonder if the moms in this poem want their children to be  accepted more than they should be worrying about the education they are receiving.

2nd week poems

{In Just}

     As I read this poem my first thought was spring children playing  in the rain having fun, then i read it again and changed my mind completely. The children are having fun playing marbles dancing running thru the mud but the lame goat-footed ballon man is lurking in the shadows and as the children run off to see who is whistling he is a child abductor. He lures them under false pretense by whistling and yelling wee children being curious want to see but they are never seen again so what was innocent play time for children turned into a nightmare.