Revision Study
This story about an Asian boy name Jay who is 18 , and he believes his only goal in life is to be a party boy he thinks he is really good at at it. He spends a lot of money on clothes from foreign countries , he drinks and smokes only the best liquors and cigarettes and gets the best looking girls. What do you expect from an 18 year old boy he is not mature enough yet and when you have money that is disposable you will use it to your hearts content.
His essay though is written in his Asian style of the American language. His use of grammar is incorrect, he mixes the past and present use of words incorrectly he states he was built instead I am built . He uses run on sentences, incorrect use of commas, and punctuation marks. His conclusion has nothing to do with his opening statement he proceeds to tell us of a new story line about his night of being drunk and his money stolen.
He would benefit from a English course so he could learn the proper use of grammar, how to write a sentence and punctuation then he could rewrite his essay.
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